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This afternoon, I’d like to talk to you about some ideas, concepts, philosophies, tools that can help you prepare for excellence, even when you are already very successful. They are plain, simple, commonsense ideas and please remember, underline, please remember they happen to work for me. One or two happen to work for you? Use it in your business? Your family? Terrific, I like to call that, “Take home value”.
So, idea number 1: don’t stress out over stress. A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 20 grams to 500 grams. Then the lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.” He went on to say, “If I hold it for a couple of seconds; no problem. If I hold it for an hour, I start to get a little achy and if I hold it for 24 hours you might have to call an ambulance. In each case it is the same weight but the longer I hold it the heavier it becomes. He continued, “and, that’s the way it is with stress. We carry our burdens all the time. Sooner or later that burden will become increasingly heavier and heavier and too tough to carry on. As with the glass of water you have to put it down occasionally, once in a while. When we are refreshed again, of course, we can go on with our burdens.”
I have never, ever, yet, met a single successful person that hasn’t had to overcome either a little or a lot of stress in his or her life. My doctor even tells me that some stress, believe it or not, is actually good for you. Deadlines, assignments, goals, teamwork, achievement, whatever, none of these come without some stress. Plenty of people happen to thrive on stress. They claim that they work better under pressure. Incidentally, my definition of pressure is when you have to do something and you are totally unprepared to do it. After all the only difference between diamond and a lump of coal is that a diamond had a little more pressure put on it.
You can’t escape stress but you can avoid creating unnecessary stress. You have to understand that you don’t have to be a workaholic to be a success. Because if you are a workaholic and you finally catch up with the Joneses, you know what happens? They refinance. So, you want to find your stress reliever. You know, one of mine is sports and I like to go to a lot of sports events like golf and tennis and swimming and jogging and luckily, again, I have been able to run 10 marathons. Find your release and use it. It could be music, reading, gardening, maybe even parachuting but if stress won’t go away, then guess what? You have to make some changes. Of course, in the short term it will be difficult but not in the long term. It will be very, very successful. After all, dealing with change is basically like giving up smoking, drinking and going on a diet all at the same time. But if you relieve the stress obviously you will be better off and healthier in the long run.
Like the ironworker who was just kind of nonchalantly walking the beams, high above a city skyscraper, 76 floors up. The jackhammers, of course, are making all kind of noise and the compressors are kind of shaking the building. Now, the ironworker, 15 minutes later, he comes down. A man who had been watching him, all the sudden has to work with him, tapped him on the shoulder. “Say!” He says, “ You are incredible. I was amazed at your calmness up there. How did you happen to go to work at such a dangerous job like that?” “Easy!” said the ironworker, “ I used to drive a school bus with kids but my nerves gave out.”
Over the years, I’ve collected a small library of wise words dealing with stress management. Here’s some of my favorites:
• Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
• Always keep your words soft and sweet. Just in case you have to eat them.
• When everything is coming up your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery along a detour.
Next lesson: there is no I in team. You cannot do it all by yourself. Even the Lone Ranger had Tanto. My definition of teamwork is a collection of diverse people who respect each other and are committed to each other’s successes. When you get that you’ll slam your competitors into the pavement and you will hand them their heads. The definition fits the Kentucky Wildcats, men’s basketball team, Final Four. I am sure many of the audience were watching that game on Monday night. I was in New Orleans, one of the happy 70,000 people to witness that titanic struggle. It was one whale of a basketball game but let me just tell you, they are a perfect, perfect example, as far as I am concerned, of what I am talking about. They believed in each other, those teammates. They were unselfish. They worked their tails off and yes they got the results. Coach Jon Calipari, is a very good friend of mine and I have seen him over and over down through the years all of his teams play exactly that same way and he finally broke the record and won his first NCAA basketball championship.
Teamwork sometimes requires people to play roles that aren’t as glamorous as they’d like. It’s very human. Former baseball player, Yankee Manager, Joe Torre once said, “No one can play whatever position they choose to. If that happens in baseball everyone would be a pitcher. We would have 9 pitchers.”
Just like the story of the symphony conductor whose friends asked him, “Which instrument was the most difficult to play?” And, without missing a beat the conductor replied, “Second fiddle. I can get plenty of First violinists.” Finding someone who can play second fiddle with enthusiasm that’s the real problem. When we have no second fiddle we have no harmony. You can’t win without teamwork because you have no harmony. When a team has energy and synergy it far exceeds even the best individual results. Synergy is when one plus one equals three. A leader is one who creates group synergy in order to pursue a collective goals. I tell you, the best example of a teamwork that I have ever heard before. A fellow is out driving his car. He’s out of the city, 30-40 miles outside. A big rainstorm comes up. All of the sudden the car stuck in the mud, he sees the farmyard about 3 minutes away. He walks the 3 minutes. The farmer opens the door. He knocks on the door. He says, “My car’s stuck up on the freeway. Might you be able to help?” The farmer says, “I got a blind mule named Elmo out in the back.” “Fine.” And they trudge a hundred yards. The farmer hooks him up to the car and he hollers out, “Pull, Sam, Pull!” and nothing happens. “Pull, Bessie, Pull!” Nothing happens. “Pull, Jackson, Pull!” Nothing happens. “Pull, Elmo, Pull!” Elmo rips and roars that car right out of the mud. The driver is confused and perplexed. “I don’t understand. What did you have to call out all those different names for?” “Look! If he didn’t think he had any help, he would even try.” Teamwork.
Next lesson: The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. I learned years ago that one of the most powerful things you can do to have influence over others is to smile at them. Little things mean a lot. Not true. Little things mean everything! That’s why never underestimate the value of a smile. It should be standard equipment for all people. You shouldn’t come to work without a smile and that goes for your personal life also. My mother used to tell me that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve my looks. Smiling is the universal language. People like smiles a lot more than frowns.
I am a big fan of Dale Carnegie, the master of making friends. I always carry this poem from one of his books and allow me to share it with you. It’s called, The Value of a Smile and I hope you learn as much from it as I have over the years and it goes like this:
It costs nothing, but creates much.
It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.
It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None are so rich they can get along without it, and none are so poor but are richer for its benefits.
It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.
And, in this hurly, burly bustle of today’s business world some of the people should you meet that are too tired to give you a smile may we ask you to leave one of yours. For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give.
Next lesson: Humor is not just funny business. The last Norman Cousins was a famous author and magazine editor when at mid-life, believe it or not, he came down with what the doctors believed was an incurable illness. Cousins began an exhaustive study on the illness of his own that he had, the process and he wanted to prove to himself and others that laughter, that was it, laughter could be a major contributor to healing. This is because of the flow of endorphins, of course, from the adrenaline system. To keep the endorphins flowing Cousins watched a ton of Marx Brother movies, Abbott and Costello movies that he could put is hands on. He went to great lengths to maintain a positive frame of mind. It worked! Cured miraculously Cousins spent the last part of his life as a lecturer at the UCLA School of Medicine, working with medical students. He was fond of telling the students that the control center of your life is your attitude and I wrote many, many years ago, “Your attitude determines you altitude.”
Negative attitude leads to illness, as you know, low self-esteem, depression. Positive attitudes lead to hope, love, caring and fun. Cousins proved that a big dose of positive thinking and laughter on a daily basis could contribute as much to his continued health as a whole basket of pills week after week.
Laughter and humor are not only good for people but they are very healthy for companies. Maybe people should take humor or a joke break. Not a cigarette or coffee break. Ask any HR director; they will tell you that employees with a sense of humor are more creative and much more fun to be around. For 40 years I have hired switchboard operators, truck drivers, sales reps, you name it and after I establish trust and competency, right there then, is humor. By humor, I mean don’t be predictable. Don’t be boring. Don’t ever send out another email without giving it some thought, maybe a little spice and creativity. Don’t every pick up the phone and talk to a customer, a friend, a loved one without giving a little time. Don’t ever give a presentation without giving a little time to insert some very, very fine humor in there. Don’t ever give a gift to a mother, son, daughter, significant other without giving a lot of fun, humor and creativity.
Let me give you a specific example if I may about not being predictable. I had an unusual opportunity. I went out and I was able to introduce, believe it or not, I was President, at the time, University of Minnesota Alumni Association, introduce Ted Koppel. A few years back, University of Minnesota campus, 2000 people and I did my homework. I prepared to win. I called his office, talked to the gatekeeper, found out a lot of things about him. One of the things, okay, was that he was a terrific tennis player. I love to play tennis also. Picked him up at the Twin Cities International Airport. 20 min ride in to the campus. First couple minutes were talking, schmoozing a little bit.
“Hey, Ted. The next time you come to the Twin Cities bring your tennis racket. We’ll hit the ball around.”
“What time do I speak Harvey?”
“No, no, no.”
“What time do I speak Harvey? I always carry my tennis racket in my suitcase.
Kept 2000 people waiting. He was just great. He made a speech, standing ovation, back to the hotel. Picked him up the next morning. Drove him to the Twin Cities International Airport, dropped him off, come back to my office and we’d all write a thank you note, wouldn’t we?
Dear Ted,
Everybody thought you were great. Maybe our paths will meet again.
Wouldn’t we write something like that? Boring! I would wind up in the trashcan. Think! So I took three days out and I started thinking and I came up with a six and half foot tennis racket. I came up with a tennis ball, okay, that was the size of this podium and I sent it FEDEX, overnight, with this note in it:
Dear Ted-
Here is to the star of Nightline to help him improve his sightline. Just line up the ball then you whack it. You’ll never miss one with this racket.
And I signed it 6-0, I was ahead of him 6-0 the first set. 2-4, he was ahead of me 2-4 the second set. 24 hours later Kopple writes back to me:
Dear Harvey-
When a man has real class then he’ll show it. Everyone in his sphere tends to know it. Tell me, why would he choose to risk tall and then lose by pretending that he is a poet?
He signs it:
6-0, 6-0, 6-0, game, set, match. Racket, ball are great Harvey. Many thanks for everything.
Best regards,
Ted Koppel
Now, why do I tell that to you? Because, guess what? Koppel doesn’t endorse books. He went on the cover of Swim with the Sharks. I repeat, little things mean a lot, not true, little things mean everything. That’s the reason.
Now, let me close with one of my favorite humorous stories. This is a letter received from parents. Their daughter is away at college for the first time. Her first letter to them:
Dear Mom and Dad-
Sorry to be so long in writing lately but all my writing paper was destroyed the night the demonstrators burned down the dormitory. I am out of the hospital now and the doctor says my eyesight should be back to normal sooner or later.
Hey that wonderful boy, Bill, who saved me from the fire, kindly offered to share his apartment with me until the dorm is rebuilt. He comes from a good family, Mom and Dad so you shouldn’t be too surprised to learn when I tell you, we’re gonna get married.
Fact, Mom and Dad, you always wanted to have grandchildren. So, you should really be happy to know you are going to be grandparents. Next month!
Please disregard the above practice in English Composition. There was no fire. I haven’t been in the hospital. I’m not pregnant and I don’t even have a boyfriend but I did get a “D” in Chemistry and an “F” in French. I wanted to make sure you received this news in the proper perspective.
And she signs it:
Love,
Mary
We’ve all been so creative one time or another. You have been a marvelous audience. It has been an honor to be here. Thank you very, very much.
